Navigating the Change from Nursery to Primary School

This change has been underway for some time now: conversations in the pre-school classroom about ‘big school’, stay and play sessions at the new school, trying on school uniform, friends leaving nursery, and… the last day!

The whirring thoughts and feelings that accompany change begin well before the main event, such as the first day of school, and continue for some time afterwards. It’s completely natural to experience a whole spectrum of emotions as we let go of what’s familiar and connect with a new environment and routine. For my son, the transition from nursery school to primary school has so far brought with it:

• Curiosity – about his uniform and what ‘big kids’ do at school

• Impatience – for the final day of nursery to come

• Confusion – why others in his class finished nursery before him

• Excitement – about his turn to experience the last day of nursery celebrations

• Underwhelm – when the last day bubble of anticipation burst

• Happiness – spending quality time with family ahead of school starting

• Sadness – missing playing and connecting with his friends

• Uncertainty – during the break between nursery ending and school beginning

These emotions have shown up in different ways and with varied intensities: from quiet tears to full-blown tantrums, moments of silent reflection to animated chatter about the adventures to come. Navigating these different childhood behaviours has been challenging, because as parents we are also experiencing our own emotional responses to the change. There have been some wonderful highs: the joy of seeing our little boy ‘graduate’ from nursery with a smile on his face and the fun we’ve had together on trips to Scotland and the South Coast before school begins. There have also been some trying lows, with lots of big emotions and fraying tempers on all sides.

For me, a few of these different thoughts and feelings have included:

Eagerness – what will he enjoy most at school and how will he develop and grow?

Worry – have I prepared him enough practically and emotionally for school?

Nervousness – will he settle happily at the school that we’ve chosen?

Pride – he’s ready for the step-up to school and all the opportunities it will bring

Loss – he’s growing up and taking the next step in his path to independence

With one week to go until his first day, we’re taking the following five steps to traverse the highs and lows of change as smoothly and collaboratively as possible:

Time to talk

Speaking little and often about what to expect at school, and inviting questions, will help to visualise the experience ahead of his first day. These don’t need to be long conversations; just a few minutes each day is enough

Make it fun

Using role play, books and other familiar games to bring the typical school day to life will help him to explore the school experience in a positive and playful way. This might include practicing getting ready so he’s confident putting on his school uniform, talking about the familiar faces he’ll see on his first day (and all the new friends he will have the chance to meet), and a dry run walk to school so he’s aware of the route

Create a ritual

Incorporating a simple ritual at drop off – like a cuddle and a fist pump or a reassuring and consistent goodbye catchphrase – will offer comfort and hopefully help to alleviate any separation anxiety

Validate emotions

Creating a space to express the different reactions and emotions throughout the first term (and beyond) will validate that it’s OK to feel ups and downs about school and all the changes it brings. Sharing stories about when I’ve felt a bit wobbly through change normalises the emotional experience and offers ideas on what to do when these feelings arise

And… breathe

Taking a moment’s pause when emotions take hold (on either side) to listen and connect will support in defusing any tricky situations. Allowing room to adjust to the new routine – without over-committing to extra-curricular activities – will also help set a steady pace for change

When I first set up Parenting Point, a primary driver was to offer parents on-going support throughout the continuous change journey of parenthood. The transition to school is one example of the many changes we all go through in our family lives whilst balancing other work and life commitments too. As I continue to navigate this next chapter with my own family, I will remind myself that all the different emotions encountered along the way are a very normal part of growing older, wiser, and stronger – together. For me, that’s what family life is all about.

Jayne Ruff – Chartered Occupational Psychologist & Founder of Parenting Point.

Parenting Point exists to give everyone the self-belief that they can flourish as a parent and a professional by positively aligning both worlds. We help parents find their meaningful and fulfilling work-life balance through practical, psychology-based workshops and coaching. We work with organisations to create positive and inclusive performance cultures that support and encourage the growth of working parents.