Let’s talk about overwhelm

There’s an irony in the fact that – while I’ve been wanting to write on the topic of overwhelm for some time – the sea of tasks I’ve been wading through at work and at home over the last few months meant this post dropped down my priority list. Have I felt overwhelmed? Yes, at times I certainly have. Is this normal? Absolutely.

Everyone feels overwhelmed from time to time and it’s a completely normal response to everyday stressors – which include keeping on top of to-do lists, balancing childcare pick-ups with client deadlines, organising kids’ parties, attending kids’ parties… and the list goes on. However, feeling constantly overwhelmed to the point of burnout can impact our physical and mental wellbeing.

When managing work life and family life feels too much, we often become flooded by thoughts, feelings, emotions, and physical sensations that can seem overwhelming to manage. We may experience this in different ways, including:

We over-think it

Our mind goes into overdrive, and we struggle to step back and see the situation from a rational perspective. This can make the problem seem inflated and our perceived ability to deal with it deflated, which knocks our self-belief. In psychology, we refer to this as becoming ‘hooked on the thought’.  

We over-react

We may have disproportionate reactions to minor stressors. For example, we feel an overbearing guilt when we forget to pack the PE kit, we panic when we can’t find our keys, or we snap at our partner for not taking the bins out.

We do nothing

We experience what’s termed a ‘freeze response’ which makes even the simplest of tasks feel impossible to complete. As a result, we might put off doing something to another day, or avoid it altogether. This can include withdrawing from friends and family and avoiding social events.

While all these responses to overwhelm are normal, it’s important that we develop simple strategies to help us manage these feelings in the moment. There is also lots of professional support available should these feelings persist. Please visit the following website for more information: Stress - Every Mind Matters - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Here are three simple strategies for managing overwhelm while balancing a busy work and family life:

Break it down

Our brains have an incredible ability to develop rules. Some of these rules serve us well; it’s helpful to know that a pound is worth more than a penny. But when our brain creates more arbitrary rules around what we ‘should’ and ‘must’ do – often influenced by what we see others do – this can distract us from what really matters.

If you notice your mind telling you that you “should be available outside of working hours…” or you “must make every family meal from scratch…” perhaps it’s time to take a step back and establish the facts versus assumptions.

Simplify what’s on your plate by writing a short list of no more than three tasks that are genuinely most important for you to prioritise from a work-life and home-life perspective. Use these work-life and home-life priority lists to keep you focused on where you can add the greatest value in the time, and with the energy, you have available to give right now.

Start small

Often what holds us back from taking meaningful action when we’re feeling overwhelmed is the sense that the task is too big for us to tackle given our limited time and energy resources. This can lead us to cycle in our mind stories of inadequacy, inability to change and helplessness.

We can challenge this belief through harnessing the power of making small change now rather than holding off for the (often unfulfilled) big change later.

What small step can you take that’s significant enough to have a positive impact on your life yet small enough to be manageable on an ongoing basis? It sounds very basic, but one simple step I’ve taken is to set a timer for 20-minutes on a Saturday morning during which I put away some washing. It helps me feel like I’m making a dent on our laundry load, without any detrimental impact on family time at the weekends. Remember to celebrate these small wins along the way – no matter how tiny they may seem.

Value your time

When we feel like we’re being pulled in a thousand different directions, and don’t know which way to turn next, it’s probably time to apply the brakes. Taking a moment to reorientate towards what we genuinely care about ensures that we’re most effectively using the energy we have available in our tank.

We need to watch out for the little distractions that can steal our time too – scrolling social media, taking lots of coffee breaks, even cleaning! Distraction can be used as an avoidance tactic to deal with overwhelm. It gives us short-term relief from unhelpful or unpleasant thoughts, but likely won’t be the best long-term solution.

When you experience the sense of overwhelm rising, pause, and ask yourself: why does this task matter? This mindful check-in can help you to reconnect with the things you value most across your work and home life, which gives you a bit of a motivational boost. It also supports you to recognise the tasks that are in fact less of a priority and should be dropped from your to-do list.

Jayne Ruff – Chartered Occupational Psychologist & Founder of Parenting Point.

Parenting Point exists to give everyone the self-belief that they can flourish as a parent and a professional by positively aligning both worlds. We help parents find their meaningful and fulfilling work-life balance through practical, psychology-based workshops and coaching. We work with organisations to create positive and inclusive performance cultures that support and encourage the growth of working parents.