When to Press Pause on Your Personal Goals

I have a bedside table piled high with books I’d love to read, but never seem to find the time to start. I’ll occasionally set myself a goal to get through just one, but inevitably I’ll complete only a few chapters at best.

Sometimes this gets me down. I’m a big psychology geek & I love to learn new things, especially when they relate to parenting & well-being. I’m also a completer-finisher who likes to have exhaustive knowledge before feeling confident giving a point of view. My other half is a book worm & can devour a novel in no time at all (although even his speed-read pace has slowed since becoming a parent!). I wonder what stops me from having the same bedtime reading drive.

I recently completed a training course (to feed my love of learning) & during one exercise another woman shared the same challenge. As the conversation played out, the Psychologist leading the training explained that pushing bedtime reading to one side didn’t mean that these books and their content were unimportant. Rather at this point in time, other personal values were taking centre stage. Together they established that these values were looking after her two young children & getting enough rest (rather than staying up late into the night page turning!). This instantly resonated.

A powerful takeaway for me was that holding something you value doesn’t mean you need to act on it every day. I think this is especially relevant when considering what can often feel like competing values across our parenting and professional lives. If we operate from a place of believing we should act on all of our values, all of the time, this can be limiting & cause feelings of frustration & guilt.

It’s OK to press pause on our values-based goals, or work towards achieving them in more manageable bite-size chunks. In fact, behavioural research tells us that we’re much more likely to see long-lasting success when we approach big change step-by-step. Doing so does require that we become more comfortable accepting that we may not be our gold standard ‘best’ self all of the time. It can be fulfilling enough to take even the smallest of steps towards being the best self we can be in the present moment.

So rather than set myself any more unrealistic reading targets, my plan is to take a step back & check-in on what’s genuinely important right now. I’m going to feel less bad about putting certain things to one side, & more confident that doing so won’t make me any less of a parent, professional or person.

While I do hope to one day work my way through all of these amazing books, right now I’m content with the fact that, with a newborn & toddler at home, my evenings are best spent asleep! I will however commit to listening to one psychology & parenting podcast a week; a small step towards my valued love of learning that’s also easily incorporated into a well-being walk. Win-win.

Jayne Ruff – Chartered Occupational Psychologist & Founder of Parenting Point.

Parenting Point exists to give everyone the self-belief that they can flourish as a parent and a professional by positively aligning both worlds. We help parents find their meaningful and fulfilling work-life balance through practical, psychology-based workshops and coaching. We work with organisations to create positive and inclusive performance cultures that support and encourage the growth of working parents.